By suicide i mean that you are playing a normal game, you feel ahead, maybe a little too relax, and suddenly your brain goes in suicide mode ie it seems determine to see you lose.
I don't mean letting 1 group in atari or a given one move blunder but a succession of stupidities until all this left is resign and rant about it on a random go forum
consider the gem below:
i was unhappy at start but at move 140ish i feel ahead by a safe margin...
well safe.. except for the maniac sitting on my chair ...
(i was white as should be obvious if you read the rant and looked at the game)
:w144:
start of the crazy: lets allow him to resurrect his group while killing mine. and it was 2 move deep reading no less.1 mistake like that is sad but happens (to me at least).
The crasy is that i continued giving like santa claus on lsd until the very bitter end:
:w146: now i die in gote ...
actually i think that if i made something useful with this move like S9 i would still be ahead.:w154: lets give those monkey stones, its not like i needs the points anyway. (this kind of mistake while dealing wit monkey jumps happened a lot to me so now i am more alert to them in a normal state ie i should have seen it coming)
now i am behind so i begin to play normally (ie as bad as normal)
:w180: now the game is more or less even, so lets pass
... no wait let rather play a useless stone in the territory for -1 pt.otherwise the game might be turned yet.
what could have possesses me to play J14 ? was there a worst move in the board ?
:w208: well the game is still not decided, my opponent was a bit slack seems hard to make a big mistake, so lets take a 1 pt in gote.
Not a big deal compared to the rest though:w214: well 34 moves without a huge blunder: it's the age of the christ, so time to resurect something i guess ??
the ko fight was probably poorly done but it should never happen in the first place
:w244: maybe the was a 30 move rule in this game where is was requested to blunder every 30 move ? should have read it beforehand.
the funny here is that being waay behind i was almost back to normal (except for the hurting inside) so i read that A4 was a snapback so i had to play B7 ..
but then .. MISCLICK..
a fitting end for this game so do you think i should see a shrink for hidden (or not-so-hidden) death pulsions ?
i guess i want reassurance that i am not the only one having games like that.
come on you can tell me... no sgf proof asked total discretion
